Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
