Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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