i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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