have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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