You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
