this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize