I'm going to rape someone's good day.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
