i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
