i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
