Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
