; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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