Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
