Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
