Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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