FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
