ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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