i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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