its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
