We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
