Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hippo gnu deer
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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