I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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