Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
