She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
