True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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