Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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