bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
