happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
