i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
