why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
