he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
