dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the day after is always just damage control
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
