12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
