she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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