Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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