May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
