I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
