I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
