hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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