Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
