So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
