I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
BRING THE BAGELS
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
