i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
