omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
