the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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