The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
