do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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