I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
