His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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