So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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