I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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