Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
