ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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