if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
