Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
