3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
