How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
