my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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