my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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