Four minutes until I can fart!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Help. Why am I so naked?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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