he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize