i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
