im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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