so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
