I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I cockslap morals
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
