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If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
