i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
