I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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