Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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